Cool man
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
Interview
An office manager was given the task of hiring an
Individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a
stack of resumes he found four people who were equally
qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only
one question. Their answer would determine which of them
would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around
the conference room table the interviewer asked:
"What is the fastest thing you know of?"
Acknowledging the first man (Kiwi), on his right, the
man replied,"A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head.
There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A
thought is the fastest thing I know of."
"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.
"And now you sir?" he asked the second man (Aussie).
"Hmm....let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you
don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest
thing I know of."
"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye ...
that's a very popular cliche? for speed."
He then turned to the third man (South African) who was
contemplating his reply."Well, out at my dad's FARM, you
step out of the house and on the wall there's a light
switch. When you flip that switch & way out across the
pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an ant.
TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think
of. "The interviewer was very impressed with the third
answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat
the speed of light" He said.
Turning to the fourth and final man (Samoan), the
interviewer posed the same question.
It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is
DIARRHEA."
"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
"Oh I can explain." said the fourth man.
"You see the other day I wasn't feeling so good and I ran
for the bathroom.
But, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT , I
had already shat my pants!"
HE GOT THE JOB................
Individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a
stack of resumes he found four people who were equally
qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only
one question. Their answer would determine which of them
would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around
the conference room table the interviewer asked:
"What is the fastest thing you know of?"
Acknowledging the first man (Kiwi), on his right, the
man replied,"A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head.
There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A
thought is the fastest thing I know of."
"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.
"And now you sir?" he asked the second man (Aussie).
"Hmm....let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you
don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest
thing I know of."
"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye ...
that's a very popular cliche? for speed."
He then turned to the third man (South African) who was
contemplating his reply."Well, out at my dad's FARM, you
step out of the house and on the wall there's a light
switch. When you flip that switch & way out across the
pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an ant.
TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think
of. "The interviewer was very impressed with the third
answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat
the speed of light" He said.
Turning to the fourth and final man (Samoan), the
interviewer posed the same question.
It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is
DIARRHEA."
"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
"Oh I can explain." said the fourth man.
"You see the other day I wasn't feeling so good and I ran
for the bathroom.
But, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT , I
had already shat my pants!"
HE GOT THE JOB................
Monday, November 12, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Young Boy
One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it and the other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long.
The other boy went over to the bush and looked.
The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the steam. All of a sudden the second boy took off running.The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away so he took off after his friend. Finally he caught up to him and asked why he ran away.
The boy said to his friend,' My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard so I ran.'
The other boy went over to the bush and looked.
The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the steam. All of a sudden the second boy took off running.The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away so he took off after his friend. Finally he caught up to him and asked why he ran away.
The boy said to his friend,' My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard so I ran.'
3 Nuns
Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the Mother Superior and said, "We don't want to be nuns anymore, how do we quit?" The mother told them, "Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours." So the nuns left thinking, "What can I do that's unholy?"
The next day they went to the mother one at a time. The mother said tot he first nun, "What unholy thing did you do?" and the nun said "I stole a kid's bike." The mother said, "I guess that will do, go drink some holy water. When the nun did she wasn't a nun anymore and she left the convent.
The second nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The nun replied, "I slept with a married man!" The mother said, "Well, that's sinning. Go drink holy water."
The third nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The third nun said proudly, "I pissed in the holy water!"
The next day they went to the mother one at a time. The mother said tot he first nun, "What unholy thing did you do?" and the nun said "I stole a kid's bike." The mother said, "I guess that will do, go drink some holy water. When the nun did she wasn't a nun anymore and she left the convent.
The second nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The nun replied, "I slept with a married man!" The mother said, "Well, that's sinning. Go drink holy water."
The third nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The third nun said proudly, "I pissed in the holy water!"
Doctor
a doctor was introducing autopsy to a fresh batch of medcine students in an operating theater with a real dead body. they formed a circle around the dead body.
the doctor said to the students "the first thing you need to study medicine is to conquer your fear". he then suddenly inserted his finger up the dead body's arse, pulled it out and licked his finger. much to the disbelief of the students. then he pointed at one student and ordered him with authority to do the same. the student reluctantly but quickly followed suit.
the doctor then said to the students "the second thing you need is to be very observant. notice that i inserted my index finger but licked middle finger". the student fainted.
the doctor said to the students "the first thing you need to study medicine is to conquer your fear". he then suddenly inserted his finger up the dead body's arse, pulled it out and licked his finger. much to the disbelief of the students. then he pointed at one student and ordered him with authority to do the same. the student reluctantly but quickly followed suit.
the doctor then said to the students "the second thing you need is to be very observant. notice that i inserted my index finger but licked middle finger". the student fainted.
Bar
In a Bar, as a man was having a drink, a guy, apparently already with his load, approached him and said, "Would you bet a pint of beer that I can bite my own left eye?"
Thinking that this guy was really drunk, the first man agreed.
Then the supposed drunk guy took off his false left eye and bit it. The first man thought: "How could I let this guy to fool me?"
But a bet is a bet, so he bought the drunk guy a pint of beer and continued his drinking.
A few moments later, the same drunk guy approached the first man and said, "Would you bet a pint of beer that I can bite my own right eye?"
He thought to himself: Hey, this guy can't have both false eyes, right? So he accepted the bet. Then the drunk guy took out his false teeth and bit his right eye with them.
Thinking that this guy was really drunk, the first man agreed.
Then the supposed drunk guy took off his false left eye and bit it. The first man thought: "How could I let this guy to fool me?"
But a bet is a bet, so he bought the drunk guy a pint of beer and continued his drinking.
A few moments later, the same drunk guy approached the first man and said, "Would you bet a pint of beer that I can bite my own right eye?"
He thought to himself: Hey, this guy can't have both false eyes, right? So he accepted the bet. Then the drunk guy took out his false teeth and bit his right eye with them.
Friday, November 09, 2007
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Bailrigg Badminton Schedule
BAILRIGG BADMINTON CLUB FIXTURES 2007-2008
Team Day Date Time Home or Away Opposition Venue
Bailrigg A
Wednesday 26th September 2007 7.30 Away vs Kirby Lonsdale B Queen Elizabeth School, Kirby Lonsdale
Bailrigg B
Wednesday 26th September 2007 7.30 Home vs Ingleton C Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg A
Wednesday 3rd October 2007 7.00 Away vs Ingleton B Ingleton Community Centre
Bailrigg B
Wednesday 3rd October 2007 7.30 Home vs Torrisholme B Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg A
Wednesday 10th October 2007 7.30 Home vs Hest Bank B Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg B
Tuesday 9th October 2007 7.00 Away Ascension B Church of Ascension, Torrisholme
Bailrigg A
Tuesday 16th October 2007 7.00 Away vs Hest Bank C Lancaster & Morecambe College
Bailrigg B Wednesday 17th October 2007 7.00 Home vs Ashton Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg A
Wednesday 24th October 2007 7.30 Home vs Torrisholme A Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg B
Tuesday 23rd October 2007 8.00 Away vs Garstang C Garstang Leisure Centre
Bailrigg A
Wednesday 31st October 2007 7.30 Home vs Sunnyside C Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg B
Monday 29th October 2007 7.30 Away vs Moor Hospital A Morecambe High School
Bailrigg A
Wednesday 7th November 2007 7.30 Away vs Kirby Lonsdale C Queen Elizabeth School, Kirby Lonsdale
Bailrigg B
Wednesday 7th November 2007 7.30 Home vs Bolton le Sands B Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg A
Tuesday 13th November 2007 8.30 Away vs Overton B Salt Ayre Sports Centre
Bailrigg B
Wednesday 14th November 2007 7.30 Home vs Storeys A Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg A
Wednesday 21st November 2007 7.30 Home vs Bolton le Sands A Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg B
Thursday 22nd November 2007 7.15 Away vs Ripley A Ripley
Bailrigg A
Wednesday 28th November 2007 7.30 Home vs Kirby Lonsdale B Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg B
Monday 26th November 2007 7.00 Away vs Ingleton C Ingleton Community Centre
Bailrigg A
Wednesday 5th December 2007 7.30 Home vs Ingleton B Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg B
Monday 3rd December 2007 7.00 Away vs Torrisholme B Lancaster & Morecambe College
Bailrigg A
Monday 10th December 2007 7.00 Away vs Ingleton A Ingleton Community Centre First round of cup
Bailrigg B
Wednesday 12th December 2007 7.00 Away vs Ingleton D Ingleton Community Centre First round of cup
Team Day Date Time Home or Away Opposition Venue
Bailrigg A
Wednesday 26th September 2007 7.30 Away vs Kirby Lonsdale B Queen Elizabeth School, Kirby Lonsdale
Bailrigg B
Wednesday 26th September 2007 7.30 Home vs Ingleton C Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg A
Wednesday 3rd October 2007 7.00 Away vs Ingleton B Ingleton Community Centre
Bailrigg B
Wednesday 3rd October 2007 7.30 Home vs Torrisholme B Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg A
Wednesday 10th October 2007 7.30 Home vs Hest Bank B Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg B
Tuesday 9th October 2007 7.00 Away Ascension B Church of Ascension, Torrisholme
Bailrigg A
Tuesday 16th October 2007 7.00 Away vs Hest Bank C Lancaster & Morecambe College
Bailrigg B Wednesday 17th October 2007 7.00 Home vs Ashton Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg A
Wednesday 24th October 2007 7.30 Home vs Torrisholme A Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg B
Tuesday 23rd October 2007 8.00 Away vs Garstang C Garstang Leisure Centre
Bailrigg A
Wednesday 31st October 2007 7.30 Home vs Sunnyside C Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg B
Monday 29th October 2007 7.30 Away vs Moor Hospital A Morecambe High School
Bailrigg A
Wednesday 7th November 2007 7.30 Away vs Kirby Lonsdale C Queen Elizabeth School, Kirby Lonsdale
Bailrigg B
Wednesday 7th November 2007 7.30 Home vs Bolton le Sands B Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg A
Tuesday 13th November 2007 8.30 Away vs Overton B Salt Ayre Sports Centre
Bailrigg B
Wednesday 14th November 2007 7.30 Home vs Storeys A Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg A
Wednesday 21st November 2007 7.30 Home vs Bolton le Sands A Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg B
Thursday 22nd November 2007 7.15 Away vs Ripley A Ripley
Bailrigg A
Wednesday 28th November 2007 7.30 Home vs Kirby Lonsdale B Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg B
Monday 26th November 2007 7.00 Away vs Ingleton C Ingleton Community Centre
Bailrigg A
Wednesday 5th December 2007 7.30 Home vs Ingleton B Lancaster University Sports Centre
Bailrigg B
Monday 3rd December 2007 7.00 Away vs Torrisholme B Lancaster & Morecambe College
Bailrigg A
Monday 10th December 2007 7.00 Away vs Ingleton A Ingleton Community Centre First round of cup
Bailrigg B
Wednesday 12th December 2007 7.00 Away vs Ingleton D Ingleton Community Centre First round of cup
Samy Vellu
Dato Samy Vellu announced.."saya syukur angkasawan kita setelah meninggal dunia 10 hari,kini selamat dikebumikan."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Samy Vellu ditemuramah tentang program angkasawan negara.
Samy : "...Bagi saya, ini semua adalah satu pembaziran atas duit rakyat. Kita sepatutnya tidak hantar mereka ke bulan, tapi hantar mereka pergi matahari. Barulah USA, Russia, respict sama kita...."
Penemuramah : Tapi Dato' Seri, matahari kan panas. Macam mana mau pergi sana?
Samy : Cit! itu pasal la u tara jadi mintri. Saya suda lebey 30 tahun jadi mintri, saya musti ada jalan penyelesaian. Kita jangan pergi siang, manyak panas. kita pigi malam, baru ada sujuuuuuk... ...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Samy Vellu ditemuramah tentang program angkasawan negara.
Samy : "...Bagi saya, ini semua adalah satu pembaziran atas duit rakyat. Kita sepatutnya tidak hantar mereka ke bulan, tapi hantar mereka pergi matahari. Barulah USA, Russia, respict sama kita...."
Penemuramah : Tapi Dato' Seri, matahari kan panas. Macam mana mau pergi sana?
Samy : Cit! itu pasal la u tara jadi mintri. Saya suda lebey 30 tahun jadi mintri, saya musti ada jalan penyelesaian. Kita jangan pergi siang, manyak panas. kita pigi malam, baru ada sujuuuuuk... ...
Lucky Frog
Lucky frog
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,"Ribbit. 9 Iron" The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog
and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked.
He says to the frog, "Wow, that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?"
The frog reply's "Ribbit. Lucky frog." The man decides
to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?"
the man asks. "Ribbit. 3 Wood." The guy takes out a 3 Wood and Boom!
Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog,"OK, where to next?" The frog replied, "Ribbit. Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog
says,"Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks," What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit.
$3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't
know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."
The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,"Ribbit. 9 Iron" The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog
and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked.
He says to the frog, "Wow, that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?"
The frog reply's "Ribbit. Lucky frog." The man decides
to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?"
the man asks. "Ribbit. 3 Wood." The guy takes out a 3 Wood and Boom!
Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog,"OK, where to next?" The frog replied, "Ribbit. Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog
says,"Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks," What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit.
$3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't
know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."
The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
Saturday, October 20, 2007
5 barang...??!!!
5 things in my bag:
*kertas
*pens
*CDs/DVDs
*kunci
*selipar jepun
5 things in my wallet:
*bank cards
*business cards
*pitih
*memory card/sim card
*receipts ASDA/petrol/bank statement
5 favorite things in my favorite room
*radio
*air freshner
*comb
*"blue loo"
*listerine (*****yes it is jamban)
5 things I would like to do
*increase iman
*increase motivation
*more kurus
*buy more properties
*tukar gigi palsu
5 things I'm currently doing
*writing...
*working...
*playing...
*exercising...
*enjoying life...!
*kertas
*pens
*CDs/DVDs
*kunci
*selipar jepun
5 things in my wallet:
*bank cards
*business cards
*pitih
*memory card/sim card
*receipts ASDA/petrol/bank statement
5 favorite things in my favorite room
*radio
*air freshner
*comb
*"blue loo"
*listerine (*****yes it is jamban)
5 things I would like to do
*increase iman
*increase motivation
*more kurus
*buy more properties
*tukar gigi palsu
5 things I'm currently doing
*writing...
*working...
*playing...
*exercising...
*enjoying life...!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
TS
ZJ 591216-03-5438
WH 760311-03-5465
WZ 770810-03-6525
WS 790927-03-5647
SH 820627-03-5658
WMD 841209-03-5447
WMP 860324-29-5993
WMA 881008-03-5711
SN 900802-03-5066
WMZ 930928-03-5579
WH 760311-03-5465
WZ 770810-03-6525
WS 790927-03-5647
SH 820627-03-5658
WMD 841209-03-5447
WMP 860324-29-5993
WMA 881008-03-5711
SN 900802-03-5066
WMZ 930928-03-5579
Friday, October 05, 2007
My crazy collection of footwear !!!
I must have like half a dozen shoes that still in boxes and not yet been worn !
I must wear them...!!!
Brand New in a box
1xNike
1xAdidas
1xReebok
1xHitech
1xPetroleum
1xKickers
Worn once or more
1xHush Puppies
1xNike
2xAdidas
1xKickers
2xPetroleum
1xWeidenburne??!!
Sandals
1xReebok
1xNike
1xGeorge
2xFlipflops AKA Selipar Jepuns !!!
OMG....I do have lot of shoes...!!!
I am a crazy man..!!!
I must wear them...!!!
Brand New in a box
1xNike
1xAdidas
1xReebok
1xHitech
1xPetroleum
1xKickers
Worn once or more
1xHush Puppies
1xNike
2xAdidas
1xKickers
2xPetroleum
1xWeidenburne??!!
Sandals
1xReebok
1xNike
1xGeorge
2xFlipflops AKA Selipar Jepuns !!!
OMG....I do have lot of shoes...!!!
I am a crazy man..!!!
This is what my friend says about Torries..!
Reasons to dislike the tories
The self serving interests of the upper classes that focus on London and the south east to the cost of the rest of the country.
Happily sacrificing employment in the north and Scotland to keep interest rates down.
They are bigoted, blinkered, nimby (not in my backyard) snobs and money whores who care only about their own kind – i.e. the south east middle classes, white or appeal to the northern working class racist who reads the Sun and the mail. And mad old ladies too who hate gays, the poor, the Irish, foreigners and blacks.
They represent everything that is wrong with the England of yesteryear – they think unemployment is a result of people being lazy. Their leader is a cheese faced, Eton & Oxbridge educated ponce who hides Victorian tendencies and values (of which they are proud) behind a thin veil of Blairite spin and publicity.
They have destroyed Britain’s greatest 20th Century achievement – the NHS and have reopened the north/south & class divide that seemed to have been closed in the 60s.
The destruction of national industries (including the emasculation of the unions) to allow private investment and foreign companies – this made a lot of money for very few people. They considered it to be worth it as the profit garnered outweighed the benefits paid to the unemployed, on paper that is. However, entire areas (e.g. Sunderland, Sheffield) lost the industry around which their entire towns had been built. But alas, as Thatcher said herself – “There is no such thing as society” (1987 conference I believe).
As long as they are fine in their Home county paradise, playing golf, with their private health care the rest of the country can go swivel.
Yes Labour went to Iraq (with much protest from the true left wing), but they went as part of a political deal with America. The tories would have gone as they think ‘that dirty Johnny foreigner needs taught a lesson, what-o’
I hate them with a passion.
Viva la revoluzione lancastriana
The self serving interests of the upper classes that focus on London and the south east to the cost of the rest of the country.
Happily sacrificing employment in the north and Scotland to keep interest rates down.
They are bigoted, blinkered, nimby (not in my backyard) snobs and money whores who care only about their own kind – i.e. the south east middle classes, white or appeal to the northern working class racist who reads the Sun and the mail. And mad old ladies too who hate gays, the poor, the Irish, foreigners and blacks.
They represent everything that is wrong with the England of yesteryear – they think unemployment is a result of people being lazy. Their leader is a cheese faced, Eton & Oxbridge educated ponce who hides Victorian tendencies and values (of which they are proud) behind a thin veil of Blairite spin and publicity.
They have destroyed Britain’s greatest 20th Century achievement – the NHS and have reopened the north/south & class divide that seemed to have been closed in the 60s.
The destruction of national industries (including the emasculation of the unions) to allow private investment and foreign companies – this made a lot of money for very few people. They considered it to be worth it as the profit garnered outweighed the benefits paid to the unemployed, on paper that is. However, entire areas (e.g. Sunderland, Sheffield) lost the industry around which their entire towns had been built. But alas, as Thatcher said herself – “There is no such thing as society” (1987 conference I believe).
As long as they are fine in their Home county paradise, playing golf, with their private health care the rest of the country can go swivel.
Yes Labour went to Iraq (with much protest from the true left wing), but they went as part of a political deal with America. The tories would have gone as they think ‘that dirty Johnny foreigner needs taught a lesson, what-o’
I hate them with a passion.
Viva la revoluzione lancastriana
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